Wednesday, October 4, 2017


Had been thinking or writing another post recently and finally got to do it.
There hasn't been much going on lately, everyday is just another day of wondering and finding out how to make the day a little useful.

I have so much to talk about, but yet, nothing comes out of my mouth.

And once something comes out of the mouth, it isn't what I wanted to say. Weird, right? Being someone who thinks a whole lot but could not allow the thoughts and feelings flow out.

Am in another phase of life now, it isn't marriage or sort, but I guess is where I feel too old to be young anymore, but yet live a relatively kiddish lifestyle which I myself feel hard to stomach too. It's also the time when I find myself dull and boring, unlike to fun, adventurous person I hope to be. Change is a funny thing. It gets people excited, but at the same time dread for it to happen. The most challenging part of being someone of habit is that changing of lifestyle seldom take place. For example, my parents have been people who follows the exact same routines and habits, which is why we seldom do adventurous outings or tried exotic food. During uni, I've seen myself as someone as outgoing and open as anyone else, but to my surprise, I almost always follow the safe side of the road, eat the safest possible food I can find, and tend to do things the 'safe' way, which is the way I am used to. Even mindsets alike. Oh gosh, how can I be so similar to my parents despite knowingly know that that's not how I want to lead my life?

Speaking of which, I would like to talk about the 'theory of speaking your mid out'. It does sound a bit funny, but do hear me out. So, as someone who thinks quite a bit (at least I'd like to think so), I am often jumbled in thoughts and finds it difficult to align my thoughts well that most of the time, I tend to use the 'wing it' method. I just say whatever comes up on top of my mind, hoping that it will be the best thing that would come out of my mouth, and often times regret what I said or didn't say, struggling to find ways to make good whatever is left undone. That's the most part of my life, 'winging it. It's not like I am particularly proud of it, but it's reflection I made myself.

Been hoping to start another blog where I can write 'professionally', thinking that I'll always have the content to write about and did some research about other platforms to do so besides my own personal blog. It surprises me how much confidence I have in myself before this. haha... Where did I gather all those confidence to start another blog when I can barely speak anything which makes sense to the people I know? Still, there's this weird aspiration that I have in me that tells myself, it's time to start one. hahahah..

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Speak up

Aloha peeps! 

We are done with the first week of February and that also means we are close to the end of Chinese New Year for 2017.

Am writing today to just shed some perspective on certain thing that was on my mind today. 
I've just completed my last class on Autism. I must say, I am really glad that I am done. I love that we ended with one of the best teachers in the college which was great. 

Throughout my 2 years working in the special needs field, I felt that I learned a lot about special needs especially about autism. But I guess one can never learn enough. I watched a documentary entitled Living with Autism by BBC Horizons hosted by Uta Frith who spent the past 50 years trying to learn about autism. (Kindly click on the hyperlink and watch it yourself). 

It is indeed enlightening and it really sparked me to share this out as the stigma and discrimination that they face, even with teachers who are learning about special education are immense. Perhaps it's really a wake up call for me to start shedding positive light on these unique group of individuals whom I've always hoped to become when I was younger in order to clear the misunderstandings people have on them. 

After some deep thoughts about not going anywhere in my life at the moment, it sparked me to realize that one of the reasons for my inability to move from where I am is that I am not making any stand or actively doing what I truly believe in.... Still figuring out what it is, but one has to start somewhere. 

So I decided that it will be to talk and share to others about what I know in terms of the environment and also individuals with special needs. 

This is also the same for those who are ranting and talking bad about the political and economic situations in  and out of our country. Talking about them and just go 'Oh well, what can we do?' proved that whatever discussion that has taken place is invalid as no actions were done in spite of the heated debates going on. To be honest, I am one of those people and all those negative talking are not helping. Whatever I am doing, there must be some sort of action that contributes to those angry and tired talks, be it a protest, sharing a statement, create our own ideas on what can improve the situation and act on it might help because feeling helpless, gets one nowhere. 

Other than that, another recent thought came by when V was questioning about how one can turn into a totally different person overnight. From someone closest to you into someone who's cold and aloof. When it was being said the first thing that came to mind is that, perhaps the person was blind, there were many times the someone has been aloof or uninterested, but they are just blinded to it. I guess people don't just turn cold and aloof overnight, but rather, after a LOOOOOOONG contemplation and struggling in a relationship, going back and forth in their minds whether they should stop this sort of struggle and finally decided, that very fine day, that they will stop everything there and then. It is a decision made, rather than people really change one fine day. Well, that's what I think and how I rationalize this mind boggling question that I too questioned myself sometime back, but hopefully it is something that helps makes sense of the 'suddenly turned cold' situations. 

I shall talk more soon. 

If any of you are bored, the Super Bowl's half-time performances are pretty entertaining. 
Makes one go, 'Wow, how can one cope when there's some much going on stage'

♫ Million Reasons - Lady Gaga

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

I've finally did it!
Finally watched the movie who's poster file had been on my shelves for years,
It was as amazing as the name sounded,
As mysterious as the boy with blue eyes on it's poster is like.
It related to so many people in the world,
But yet the determination of the young boy seemed absurd.

Extremely Loud, Incredibly Close,
A perfect sentiment used to portray the life of many people in the world,
Especially a small fraction of people who are just a little odd, or thinks a lil different than the boring commoners,
Yes, I am talking about children with special needs with sensory issues.
This movie is way better than what I expected it to be.
The first time I saw the name, I was really keen that this will be a mind blowing movie,
And indeed it is and even more.

The innocence of a child can' t be replaced by anything and the hope and memory keeps things alive.
The tireless search of a child, and the love of  his parents,
Just love love love this movie.
Definitely added to the favorite list!

Would go on and on about how I love the movie and which part was the best, but I shall let it up to you who are reading this to find out which are yours.

Thank you Oskar Schell, you are incredible.

♪ Ho Hey- Lennon and Maisy

Monday, December 5, 2016

Oh well...

I guess some times it really takes some time to realize how fast things become past tense and that it's time to move on and go on to the next thing in life. 

Can't tell if that time is really moving fast or that I am too slow to understand what is going on in life. 
Maybe I am just too ignorant. 

Many things seem to be coming to an end very very soon, a part of me feels a teeny wheeny relieve that it's going to be over soon, but a huge part of me is still lingering about how well life has been for the past few years. 

I guesss all we have to do is to wait and see,...

I guess 2016 really markss the ending to many things... 
Obama's office,
Resignation of New Zealand's and Italy's Presidents,
Jobs, jobs, jobs,
A cute Cambodian friend's life,
A once very close friendship,
School life... 

I heard of a song dissing 2016, and it seems so relevant to be sung as it hasn't quite been a year of positive encounters. 

I guess 2017 will be the beginning of a world of unknown and uncertainties... 
Dear Lord, please bless all of us... 

* No song playing in my mind that's relevant to my current mood right now. Shall sign off with a :) 

Good night world. 

Thursday, September 8, 2016


It's funny, how life turns out to be.
One moment you found this someone who seems to be the closest person you could ever be with a stranger,
but in another moment, two people can just turn, cold as though never met before.
Life really has no guarantee, be it for family, friends, partners or colleagues,
Perhaps its always better to meet strangers, and... remain strangers,
At least the novelty will be around,
the heart to understand each other will continue to pound,
the curiosity towards this other being that you first met will be intriguing,
the courteous manner and the open mind seems to make meetings more pleasant...

So, why do we need people whom are close to you then?
When all you every said or share can turn into ashes in a split second,
by as slip of mouth,
a broken promise,
a lie,
a deeper understanding towards this other person that you wished you've never knew...
I really wonder.

But on the bright side, there's always a good reason to have someone close to you,
at least you can have someone, it could be just an idea or a real person to share things with,
happy and sad things,
a place to rant, and a place for hugs and seemingly encouraging words,
someone who seems more angry than you when bad things dawn upon you,
a partner in crime, a person to laugh at your crazy jokes,
a person to tell you all the ugly truths about you that no strangers dare to,
a friend or family.


My previous post talked about a change in my life that I want to have,
well, change happened, although not a huge one, but I hope that it's only going to get better.

Heavy eyelids preventing me from typing any longer.

Good night world.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Why am I still here?

My heart is raving for a new change in life,
But I guess the hesitation of letting go is holding me back.
There's this part in my that can't wait to explore the world,
See new sights, learn new things, meet new people,
Do new things
And leave whatever part in life that's mundane, and boring...

Why am I still here?
That's the question I ask each and everyday...

Changes happen all the time...
It's time to bid goodbye to someone great,
Who made significant change in the school system,
But there's always this hindrance that makes all the great people move on...
It will be a tough transition,
Despite the big change,
Things still seem to stay the same....
It's a conscious choice that was made,
But yet. I can't help asking myself again,..
Why am I still here.

My heart goes to Christina Grimmie,
An amazing singer whom played a part in introducing YouTube music to me...
Things change all of a sudden...
And at times, it puts a full stop on life...
May your beautiful voice continue to inspire those who is still stuck in this physical world..

May the light in the end of the tunnel shines in brightly soon,
It seems so hard to see the positive side of things with so much to worry about..
Hope that everything will be ok.

Love is Easy  -  McFly

Friday, April 15, 2016

Late nights, cool beans

It's just interesting to know that as much as blogs are a HUGE thing now in today's world,  almost everyone I know stopped writing them. People simply moved on and stopped dwelling in these sacred place where we spent many late nights browsing, reading about people's life, rants and thoughts.

Shall leave a word or two here in since I feel that this is one of those nights when I blog. haha.

Just finished watching a series and it makes me think a lot in the series. Is change for the better when we feel that we are really happy? I've seen many people, singers/composers especially, take a totally different path after they deemed to have been 'renewed' in life came back into business. They all seemed happy, but the music they make is just not the same any more, it's like without all the struggles and pain, the sound isn't as awesome anymore.

Anyway,  it's really weird to come back here after almost 2 years of absence, only to find that so many widgets that used to be the IN thing, disappeared or has been obsolete. It's like a part of me is wiped out just like that, after spending so much time customizing, trying to make the blog as personalized as it could be, and now, many of the links or tools are just... gone.

Life has been ok so far. Looking forward to a Looooong vacation or break back to nature. Although I haven't talked about it here, I miss being in YNP every single day. The longing doesn't stop although you know nothing over there will be the same again. Hoping hard to get a getaway, have some time to think about Life for a bit, to be able to breathe without feeling that life may fall apart if you breathe too hard, or forget  something. I may have the lowest stress inducing job available, but in this big city life, Stress is in the air, there's no escape from it. A small town girl like me catches the stress and all of a sudden feels so overwhelmed with her life even when there's not much to fuss about. As much as I don't want to admit, city life can be a lot to bear even though one may not go out very often. It frustrates me about how lonely the walk can despite having so many people walking beside you. No wonder many suffer from depression and other anxiety issues even though they are constantly with someone... It just feels so empty inside.

Moving on, May will be a big transition for many of us, it's like another part of my life will be torn apart and taken away from me. I don't really know how I will feel then, but will just live day by day until time comes and each and everyone who are affected will seek ways to adapt to the change that is bound to happen in life. There is so much to ponder about and to be sorted out then. The adjustment period for all of us... Am hoping for the better. Hope to seek refuge in this big confusing world.

Toodles! =)

I Am Alive - Jason Mraz and JJ Lin