Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Grands

The feeling when you know your dream came true when you have this spotlight moment in the middle of a pretty mundane routine, staring at a picture you drew 2 years ago.

And what was that picture, a simple dream, which is to bring my grandma back home to stay with me.

I always thought it will be very very difficult to achieve, but somehow, at that very moment, I realized I've made it.

So, a couple of days ago was Chinese New year, and as years went by, people stopped having celebration at my grandma's place as she stopped cooking and started coming to mine. It became a routine that grandma only comes to our place for celebration and goes home, but somehow this year, we decided to tell her to stay with us a couple of nights before she goes back home. The normal her will protest and demand to go home, but on that very few days, she was like an angel, agreed to stay with us and the most wonderful news was that, she became my roommate.

Then I looked at the picture I drew 2 years ago which is hung in my room and I realized, that's it. This was what I visualized to happen and it did. God bless Mr. Goh's soul for doing that Law of Attraction workshop with us and it allowed me to draw what I really really wanted to happen. And it was Ron who pointed out that it does sound like faith in God as well, we believe that God will hear our prayers and deliver and it will happen. In a way, law of attraction is like faith, ain't it?

Although it may not be for as long as I wanted the stay to happen, it made my heart feel so full and warm. That feeling of bliss made me want it to be more permanent... Made me told myself that I can do it every day, as much work as it may be caring for an elderly.

It blew my mind that for 3 days I woke up seeing the little perks and mini conversations with grandma about where she is and whether I have eaten already and to talk about nonsense just to tease each other.

The forth day came and went, and it was time to bring grandma home. It was so surreal and hurtful, the reluctance of sending her home, the guilt of not being able to take as good care as she received the past few days is overwhelming.

As I watched the empty side of the bed, the tinge of sadness fell as you know that you won't feel as motivated to get up the next day having to hush her up as well.

It was a wonderful and pleasant few days and I will forever be thankful for the precious moments spent with my adorable grandma and I thank God for the innocence and the little talks that caught me off guard which makes the night a lil sweeter than it already is. 

As I am typing this, will have to keep MY's granny in my prayers as her health seems to be going downhill. It's heart wrenching to hear about it, needless to say the nightmare MY is going through right now. May her granny find strength to recover. Same goes to WL's grandma who is struggling as well, may she recover soon.

On side note, nanay just told me they had grandparents day in her grandson's school. It's a brilliant brilliant idea, why haven't I thought about it? Fingers crossed it will be an upcoming project to happen soon. ^^


Do you have any grandparents story which makes your heart flutter?

🎵Brave - Sara Bareilles (to the grandma and grandpas in the world who tells us innocent things, and for encouraging us to be brave in facing all adversities) 

Thursday, January 25, 2018

Where Has the Time Gone?

It's just crazy how fast time flies.
One moment you were 12 dreaming about high school life, yearning to join the band,
next moment you are 17, joined the band and look forward to college life,
Fast forward, you finished college and is wondering where to go for your university life knowing exactly what you want to study,
And then you find yourself in a university you never thought that you will end up in and found this exact thing that you will give your life up to be a part of.

Before you realize, you are on a slightly famous stage, playing an instrument you never thought you would ever play.
And then you took your first trip to a country that you don't even know where it maps on the globe (needless to say imagine going) and for the first time, acknowledge what poverty really means, and how simple a happy life can be.
Soon after that, you found yourself your first ever job and had a blast within that short few months before heading to the land of freedom.

Next, you found yourself working in one of the most beautiful places in the world, working in the kitchen, where you found new love for making food chemistry.
You yearn to travel out of the tiny little village you stay in, all the hiking, hitchhiking, the animal sight hunting, there adventures, the thrill of walking in the wilderness, gasping about the possibility that you will encounter wildlife in a inappropriately close manner... The pitch dark nights decorated by millions of stars where you lie on the near zero temp ground, shivering the night away...

Just when you finally found your place on this foreign land, it's like you finally understood where you want to belong, with strangely friendly people, the peace found in the noisy city, the everywhere can be a dance floor lifestyle... And just when you felt that it was all just... right... you were hit by the fact that you have to go home... Home? You thought to yourself, felt strangely warm and weird, nothing feels right, but nothing feels wrong too...

When you start to realize that the beautiful dream has long gone and the harsh reality takes over your life, you landed up in a job you never dared to think about.. working with a child of differential needs.

It was a hard first couple of months, being screamed at, smacked, hair pulled, dealing with buckets of tears, but the outcome was so fulfilling, you thought for a moment that you could do this for a long long time.

Then the monstrous feeling of comfort sets in and you suddenly caught yourself getting  bored of the mundane life you have, yearning for adventures once again, although you are literally going through adventures with the lil boy every single day.

Years went by, you decided that it's time to change... To change for the better, courageously gobbled down whatever pie life serves you, and woke up realizing, this isn't your kind of pie. More wasted time, more things to whine about, you learned that you do not work well with time aplenty.

You ferociously gobble down this pie, hoping that it will leave your life as soon as possible, looking forward to the new pie life has to offer, hoping it will feel better...

You waited and waited, hoping something wonderful will appear, and you noticed that piece of pie that has been lying around for quite some time and decided, maybe this is it, it has been around for some time, maybe it's time to take a bite, and at first bite, you feel it inside your bones that this is not the piece of pie you have been looking forward to. You thought to yourself, well, you have already taken a bite, it's your responsibility to finish it...

Until today you are still trying your best to finish that piece of pie, anticipating the next piece of pie, hoping that it's what you have been looking for...
Will you ever find it? Or will the monstrous comfort tie you down in this uncomfortable yet relaxing life? Who knows? Time flew faster than anyone can and along the way, time meets age, will you ever?


🎵What's Inside - Sara Bareilles (Song from the Musical Waitress)

Monday, October 30, 2017

Good day!

I guess today is one of those days that I feel more inspired and energetic as usual.
It's funny how these things actually translates to how I behave, and that even sis could spot that I am extra chatty and cheerful than other days (Not that I am normally gloomy, but I am just a lil' more hyped up than usual).

Its' funnny how discovering about yourself could make one feel so much better in terms of coming into terms of my feelings and suspicions.
What happened today?

Well, it has to start yesterday when I managed to do something right and stayed at grands.
It resulted in early rising and a earlier head start on this beautiful day,
Which then led to earlier arrival and the opportunity to go through the entire service.
And with service, it was a reminder of how we as a church should move in order to receive and spread grace.
Though this ain't the first time I've heard of it, it was refreshing listening to the lesson with my homies, hopefully it sparks some hope in our future...

In the second session, we were given a chance to learn about our 4-alphabet types and understand the roles we play in church,
Never have I imagined that personality tests could be applied in the roles we play in church, and.it was like the gates of enlightenment opened and much of what we have been feeeling all this while fell into words, and words explained some kind of phenomena a few of us were trying to explain but yield no results.
It was rather lonely, but it feels great when someone explains the inner conflicts and monologues one may experience to the entire congregation, it seems like a pass to be who I've wanted to be or what i really am without all the judgements...
It just felt great to have insights even though I knew my personality type long time ago.
The future is bleak still, but at least we should still be the good news people, there's still hope.

An idealist can dream dreams, and may this idealist's dreams come true!

It was a great day, grands was superb and it made me feel like a proud parent just looking into a contented grands... Aww....

On side note, Kleff Eco-film fest was superb. Had the privilege of watching one of it's session, it was insightful and delightful. Just hoped that when people watched them, it stirs something deep inside them and actions can be taken care of.

P/S : I also got mysel a Nature Core lap desk which I absolutely love!!

There's so much to be done for the environment, we have to learn to contribute by at least decreasing our rubbish amount!

It's just a great day and I'm contented.
Thank you Lord for this wonderful day! =)
Thanks Uncle E for the reflections.
Thanks to all Eco warriors or the work to protect Mother Nature.
Thanks to the fambam and grans!


Bon Iver / Birdy - Skinny Love


Wednesday, October 4, 2017

La-di-Da

Had been thinking or writing another post recently and finally got to do it.
There hasn't been much going on lately, everyday is just another day of wondering and finding out how to make the day a little useful.

I have so much to talk about, but yet, nothing comes out of my mouth.

And once something comes out of the mouth, it isn't what I wanted to say. Weird, right? Being someone who thinks a whole lot but could not allow the thoughts and feelings flow out.

Am in another phase of life now, it isn't marriage or sort, but I guess is where I feel too old to be young anymore, but yet live a relatively kiddish lifestyle which I myself feel hard to stomach too. It's also the time when I find myself dull and boring, unlike to fun, adventurous person I hope to be. Change is a funny thing. It gets people excited, but at the same time dread for it to happen. The most challenging part of being someone of habit is that changing of lifestyle seldom take place. For example, my parents have been people who follows the exact same routines and habits, which is why we seldom do adventurous outings or tried exotic food. During uni, I've seen myself as someone as outgoing and open as anyone else, but to my surprise, I almost always follow the safe side of the road, eat the safest possible food I can find, and tend to do things the 'safe' way, which is the way I am used to. Even mindsets alike. Oh gosh, how can I be so similar to my parents despite knowingly know that that's not how I want to lead my life?

Speaking of which, I would like to talk about the 'theory of speaking your mid out'. It does sound a bit funny, but do hear me out. So, as someone who thinks quite a bit (at least I'd like to think so), I am often jumbled in thoughts and finds it difficult to align my thoughts well that most of the time, I tend to use the 'wing it' method. I just say whatever comes up on top of my mind, hoping that it will be the best thing that would come out of my mouth, and often times regret what I said or didn't say, struggling to find ways to make good whatever is left undone. That's the most part of my life, 'winging it. It's not like I am particularly proud of it, but it's reflection I made myself.

Been hoping to start another blog where I can write 'professionally', thinking that I'll always have the content to write about and did some research about other platforms to do so besides my own personal blog. It surprises me how much confidence I have in myself before this. haha... Where did I gather all those confidence to start another blog when I can barely speak anything which makes sense to the people I know? Still, there's this weird aspiration that I have in me that tells myself, it's time to start one. hahahah..

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Speak up

Aloha peeps! 

We are done with the first week of February and that also means we are close to the end of Chinese New Year for 2017.

Am writing today to just shed some perspective on certain thing that was on my mind today. 
I've just completed my last class on Autism. I must say, I am really glad that I am done. I love that we ended with one of the best teachers in the college which was great. 

Throughout my 2 years working in the special needs field, I felt that I learned a lot about special needs especially about autism. But I guess one can never learn enough. I watched a documentary entitled Living with Autism by BBC Horizons hosted by Uta Frith who spent the past 50 years trying to learn about autism. (Kindly click on the hyperlink and watch it yourself). 

It is indeed enlightening and it really sparked me to share this out as the stigma and discrimination that they face, even with teachers who are learning about special education are immense. Perhaps it's really a wake up call for me to start shedding positive light on these unique group of individuals whom I've always hoped to become when I was younger in order to clear the misunderstandings people have on them. 

After some deep thoughts about not going anywhere in my life at the moment, it sparked me to realize that one of the reasons for my inability to move from where I am is that I am not making any stand or actively doing what I truly believe in.... Still figuring out what it is, but one has to start somewhere. 

So I decided that it will be to talk and share to others about what I know in terms of the environment and also individuals with special needs. 

This is also the same for those who are ranting and talking bad about the political and economic situations in  and out of our country. Talking about them and just go 'Oh well, what can we do?' proved that whatever discussion that has taken place is invalid as no actions were done in spite of the heated debates going on. To be honest, I am one of those people and all those negative talking are not helping. Whatever I am doing, there must be some sort of action that contributes to those angry and tired talks, be it a protest, sharing a statement, create our own ideas on what can improve the situation and act on it might help because feeling helpless, gets one nowhere. 

Other than that, another recent thought came by when V was questioning about how one can turn into a totally different person overnight. From someone closest to you into someone who's cold and aloof. When it was being said the first thing that came to mind is that, perhaps the person was blind, there were many times the someone has been aloof or uninterested, but they are just blinded to it. I guess people don't just turn cold and aloof overnight, but rather, after a LOOOOOOONG contemplation and struggling in a relationship, going back and forth in their minds whether they should stop this sort of struggle and finally decided, that very fine day, that they will stop everything there and then. It is a decision made, rather than people really change one fine day. Well, that's what I think and how I rationalize this mind boggling question that I too questioned myself sometime back, but hopefully it is something that helps makes sense of the 'suddenly turned cold' situations. 

I shall talk more soon. 

If any of you are bored, the Super Bowl's half-time performances are pretty entertaining. 
Makes one go, 'Wow, how can one cope when there's some much going on stage'


♫ Million Reasons - Lady Gaga



Thursday, January 19, 2017

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

I've finally did it!
Finally watched the movie who's poster file had been on my shelves for years,
It was as amazing as the name sounded,
As mysterious as the boy with blue eyes on it's poster is like.
It related to so many people in the world,
But yet the determination of the young boy seemed absurd.

Extremely Loud, Incredibly Close,
A perfect sentiment used to portray the life of many people in the world,
Especially a small fraction of people who are just a little odd, or thinks a lil different than the boring commoners,
Yes, I am talking about children with special needs with sensory issues.
This movie is way better than what I expected it to be.
The first time I saw the name, I was really keen that this will be a mind blowing movie,
And indeed it is and even more.


The innocence of a child can' t be replaced by anything and the hope and memory keeps things alive.
The tireless search of a child, and the love of  his parents,
Just love love love this movie.
Definitely added to the favorite list!

Would go on and on about how I love the movie and which part was the best, but I shall let it up to you who are reading this to find out which are yours.

Thank you Oskar Schell, you are incredible.



♪ Ho Hey- Lennon and Maisy

Monday, December 5, 2016

Oh well...

I guess some times it really takes some time to realize how fast things become past tense and that it's time to move on and go on to the next thing in life. 

Can't tell if that time is really moving fast or that I am too slow to understand what is going on in life. 
Maybe I am just too ignorant. 

Many things seem to be coming to an end very very soon, a part of me feels a teeny wheeny relieve that it's going to be over soon, but a huge part of me is still lingering about how well life has been for the past few years. 

I guesss all we have to do is to wait and see,...

I guess 2016 really markss the ending to many things... 
Brexit, 
Obama's office,
Resignation of New Zealand's and Italy's Presidents,
Jobs, jobs, jobs,
A cute Cambodian friend's life,
A once very close friendship,
AOF,
School life... 

I heard of a song dissing 2016, and it seems so relevant to be sung as it hasn't quite been a year of positive encounters. 

I guess 2017 will be the beginning of a world of unknown and uncertainties... 
Dear Lord, please bless all of us... 


* No song playing in my mind that's relevant to my current mood right now. Shall sign off with a :) 

Good night world.