Am not sure if anyone reads this anymore, but I have this suddenly urge to post something here today, after
3 years of Psychology Degree education,
10 days of my first outreach in Philippines,
4 months of wonderful time working with a bunch of cheerful people,
4 days in Siem Reap, AOF mission trip,
4 months working and living in a real life dream, Yellowstone National Park,
1 month traveling around the well know cities in the States,
and 1 month plus at home,
I am sitting right here, right now, aimless, passing day by day wondering,
What's next?
I practically lived in a dream for the past few months,
Doing things I would have never imagined myself doing,
completing the course I've been wanting to complete more than half of my life,
being to places where I didn't even know existed last year,
Saw the most beautiful sceneries in the world,
met some amazing people who are different from anyone I've met before...
What now? What's next?
I find myself ruminating about these 2 questions a lot recently.
Let's face it, I still want to continue this wonderful dream,
thinking life is a bliss,
Telling myself that don't have to worry about life, money, work, education, family...
And continue the wonderful streak of seeing new heights alone.
I can't help but to replay the memories I had in Yellowstone,
I won't lie...
They made me feel special in a way,
Gave me a special place to be at,
reminded me that I left a part of me there when took my last bus ride out of Yellowstone and never came back....
But when I wake up from that beautiful dream, I feel like a brat.
You see, I sort of lost the ability to think,
to plan, to be competent,
to do fore-thinking, to be hardworking....
And I hate that...
I read lots of articles on how to be more efficient,
how to make the best out of our time,
how to behave like a VIP in life, being on top of the game all the time...
I know all the tips, but I don't feel any different.
Like most people, I went to Yellowstone thinking that I will get to see a bigger picture of my life,
While working in a different country with people of different nations around the world, waiting for that 'A-HA' moment to wake me up and know what I want to do next...
It never did wake me up.... I am still dreaming.... which is, sad...
Anyway, just wanted to rant as I don't really know what to do at this very moment.
Yes, I am a tad bit sad that I didn't get to blog when I was in Yellowstone...
There was always so much to do, so many peopele to meet, so many places to go....
While I swim in the liquid of abyss in my mind, I shall continue to hope that the Lord will shine the way.... And I won't make a decision that I will never regret....
Good night peeps...
