I'm actually not.
OK doesn't mean that I am really ok.
And feeling better doesn't mean I've recovered.
Sometimes there's actually pain underneath the smile,
Having the inner struggles deep within,
not sure how to express it.
And there goes the people who you thought love you,
saying that you're making things up,
ignoring you all the time,
thinking that the bad things they say about you,
don't really affect you.
To be honest,
despite voicing out all the time...
Telling them that they matter to me, so much...
that what they say, actually matters.
"You're so stupid!"
"Look at people, they can do it, why can't you?"
"You don't help me... Fine! I give up..."
" We'll break"
Despite how ridiculous they think it is that I take that phrase seriously,
It really does.
Each and every time someone says something bad about me,
it actually hurts, a lot.
No matter how much positive force or energy does't shield those painful words,
denying it doesn't either.
All it does is to leave scars,
one by one,
all around me...
I forget...
I do...
A lil' too easily, I think.
But the scars remain...
Every time an incident happens,
it just tear up the scars...
And the bad things told to me appears all over again...
And I forget... things happens...
It's a cycle.
Am I really that stupid?
Am I such a bad and useless person?
I do have a brain and a heart...
I feel... I ruminate... I too understand the implications of each and every word uttered towards me...
But it hurts.
I hope you all understand this one day.
Every word uttered can hurt as much as stabbing a knife into a heart.
That's how I always feel...
The urge to run towards a nail on a wall...
to stop the pain...
But it just makes it more painful...
Thank you for loving me,
and hurting me the same time.
I guess that's the kind of love you all can give,
all I can do is to deal with it.
Another thing which makes me sad is also the fact that there's no longer Finn Hudson to cheer the whole glee club up... Rest in Peace, Cory Monteith.
To Get it Right - Lea Michelle
