It's funny, how life turns out to be.
One moment you found this someone who seems to be the closest person you could ever be with a stranger,
but in another moment, two people can just turn, cold as though never met before.
Life really has no guarantee, be it for family, friends, partners or colleagues,
Perhaps its always better to meet strangers, and... remain strangers,
At least the novelty will be around,
the heart to understand each other will continue to pound,
the curiosity towards this other being that you first met will be intriguing,
the courteous manner and the open mind seems to make meetings more pleasant...
So, why do we need people whom are close to you then?
When all you every said or share can turn into ashes in a split second,
by as slip of mouth,
a broken promise,
a lie,
a deeper understanding towards this other person that you wished you've never knew...
I really wonder.
But on the bright side, there's always a good reason to have someone close to you,
at least you can have someone, it could be just an idea or a real person to share things with,
happy and sad things,
a place to rant, and a place for hugs and seemingly encouraging words,
someone who seems more angry than you when bad things dawn upon you,
a partner in crime, a person to laugh at your crazy jokes,
a person to tell you all the ugly truths about you that no strangers dare to,
a friend or family.
________________________________________________________________
My previous post talked about a change in my life that I want to have,
well, change happened, although not a huge one, but I hope that it's only going to get better.
Heavy eyelids preventing me from typing any longer.
Good night world.
Thursday, September 8, 2016
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
Why am I still here?
My heart is raving for a new change in life,
But I guess the hesitation of letting go is holding me back.
There's this part in my that can't wait to explore the world,
See new sights, learn new things, meet new people,
Do new things
And leave whatever part in life that's mundane, and boring...
Why am I still here?
That's the question I ask each and everyday...
Changes happen all the time...
It's time to bid goodbye to someone great,
Who made significant change in the school system,
But there's always this hindrance that makes all the great people move on...
It will be a tough transition,
Despite the big change,
Things still seem to stay the same....
It's a conscious choice that was made,
But yet. I can't help asking myself again,..
Why am I still here.
My heart goes to Christina Grimmie,
An amazing singer whom played a part in introducing YouTube music to me...
Things change all of a sudden...
And at times, it puts a full stop on life...
May your beautiful voice continue to inspire those who is still stuck in this physical world..
May the light in the end of the tunnel shines in brightly soon,
It seems so hard to see the positive side of things with so much to worry about..
Hope that everything will be ok.
Love is Easy - McFly
But I guess the hesitation of letting go is holding me back.
There's this part in my that can't wait to explore the world,
See new sights, learn new things, meet new people,
Do new things
And leave whatever part in life that's mundane, and boring...
Why am I still here?
That's the question I ask each and everyday...
Changes happen all the time...
It's time to bid goodbye to someone great,
Who made significant change in the school system,
But there's always this hindrance that makes all the great people move on...
It will be a tough transition,
Despite the big change,
Things still seem to stay the same....
It's a conscious choice that was made,
But yet. I can't help asking myself again,..
Why am I still here.
My heart goes to Christina Grimmie,
An amazing singer whom played a part in introducing YouTube music to me...
Things change all of a sudden...
And at times, it puts a full stop on life...
May your beautiful voice continue to inspire those who is still stuck in this physical world..
May the light in the end of the tunnel shines in brightly soon,
It seems so hard to see the positive side of things with so much to worry about..
Hope that everything will be ok.
Love is Easy - McFly
Friday, April 15, 2016
Late nights, cool beans
It's just interesting to know that as much as blogs are a HUGE thing now in today's world, almost everyone I know stopped writing them. People simply moved on and stopped dwelling in these sacred place where we spent many late nights browsing, reading about people's life, rants and thoughts.
Shall leave a word or two here in since I feel that this is one of those nights when I blog. haha.
Just finished watching a series and it makes me think a lot in the series. Is change for the better when we feel that we are really happy? I've seen many people, singers/composers especially, take a totally different path after they deemed to have been 'renewed' in life came back into business. They all seemed happy, but the music they make is just not the same any more, it's like without all the struggles and pain, the sound isn't as awesome anymore.
Anyway, it's really weird to come back here after almost 2 years of absence, only to find that so many widgets that used to be the IN thing, disappeared or has been obsolete. It's like a part of me is wiped out just like that, after spending so much time customizing, trying to make the blog as personalized as it could be, and now, many of the links or tools are just... gone.
Life has been ok so far. Looking forward to a Looooong vacation or break back to nature. Although I haven't talked about it here, I miss being in YNP every single day. The longing doesn't stop although you know nothing over there will be the same again. Hoping hard to get a getaway, have some time to think about Life for a bit, to be able to breathe without feeling that life may fall apart if you breathe too hard, or forget something. I may have the lowest stress inducing job available, but in this big city life, Stress is in the air, there's no escape from it. A small town girl like me catches the stress and all of a sudden feels so overwhelmed with her life even when there's not much to fuss about. As much as I don't want to admit, city life can be a lot to bear even though one may not go out very often. It frustrates me about how lonely the walk can despite having so many people walking beside you. No wonder many suffer from depression and other anxiety issues even though they are constantly with someone... It just feels so empty inside.
Moving on, May will be a big transition for many of us, it's like another part of my life will be torn apart and taken away from me. I don't really know how I will feel then, but will just live day by day until time comes and each and everyone who are affected will seek ways to adapt to the change that is bound to happen in life. There is so much to ponder about and to be sorted out then. The adjustment period for all of us... Am hoping for the better. Hope to seek refuge in this big confusing world.
Toodles! =)
I Am Alive - Jason Mraz and JJ Lin
Shall leave a word or two here in since I feel that this is one of those nights when I blog. haha.
Just finished watching a series and it makes me think a lot in the series. Is change for the better when we feel that we are really happy? I've seen many people, singers/composers especially, take a totally different path after they deemed to have been 'renewed' in life came back into business. They all seemed happy, but the music they make is just not the same any more, it's like without all the struggles and pain, the sound isn't as awesome anymore.
Anyway, it's really weird to come back here after almost 2 years of absence, only to find that so many widgets that used to be the IN thing, disappeared or has been obsolete. It's like a part of me is wiped out just like that, after spending so much time customizing, trying to make the blog as personalized as it could be, and now, many of the links or tools are just... gone.
Life has been ok so far. Looking forward to a Looooong vacation or break back to nature. Although I haven't talked about it here, I miss being in YNP every single day. The longing doesn't stop although you know nothing over there will be the same again. Hoping hard to get a getaway, have some time to think about Life for a bit, to be able to breathe without feeling that life may fall apart if you breathe too hard, or forget something. I may have the lowest stress inducing job available, but in this big city life, Stress is in the air, there's no escape from it. A small town girl like me catches the stress and all of a sudden feels so overwhelmed with her life even when there's not much to fuss about. As much as I don't want to admit, city life can be a lot to bear even though one may not go out very often. It frustrates me about how lonely the walk can despite having so many people walking beside you. No wonder many suffer from depression and other anxiety issues even though they are constantly with someone... It just feels so empty inside.
Moving on, May will be a big transition for many of us, it's like another part of my life will be torn apart and taken away from me. I don't really know how I will feel then, but will just live day by day until time comes and each and everyone who are affected will seek ways to adapt to the change that is bound to happen in life. There is so much to ponder about and to be sorted out then. The adjustment period for all of us... Am hoping for the better. Hope to seek refuge in this big confusing world.
Toodles! =)
I Am Alive - Jason Mraz and JJ Lin
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Surprise! Of love and packages
I have been wanting to write this special occasion down
So that I wont forget it one day.
So, yours truly isnt JUST adult anymore.
This year, it was quiet...
Though it was on a Sunday,
It was really really quiet...
No one remembers the insignificant event,
Just a couple of special ones remembered.
I guessed its also the best celebration in a sense.
It felt a bit weird to only get a text about it...
But I got a whole lot of love from the special few.
First off...
I found a package outside my house one fine day...
And I thought it was a magazine..
But when I saw those stamps...
I knew who's the mastermind behind all this...
My silly friend took all the trouble to make sure I receive an airmail before the day..
I was shocked!
The first ever airmailed package!!!!! Hahaha...
Someone remembered after all!!!
It sat on my bed for 2 whole weeks before it saw light..
Then, a very cute friend of mine made an appointment so that she could call me!
She is wayyy too cute.
And we talked on that day! Haha...
She was so worried I wont be free to pick up a call... haha..
And on that day,
It was way quieter than the other years...
But I like it that way...
My mom and sis planted a gift in my room by midnight,
Sis posted on my wall to make sure I see it...
And now the cute lil thing is sitting on my bed! ^^
Dad, he was way funny...
He said that he was heading to KL,
So I wasn't expecting to have dinner with him.
And spent the afternoon decorating our lil Christmas tree...
Its the most beautiful tree ever!
Well, at least to me.
The night before, us gals sat down and made ornaments fkr our tree... i
It was fun....
A day I longed for a loong loong time..
Us doing things together..
I knew mom and sis are trying hard to make me feel happy...
And I was, indeed..
After that, I wanted to watch Nodame the movie agaun,
Mom spent the afternoon watching it with me..
Then, dad came back.. with cake. Haha..
And he brought us out for dinner and we brought granny!! ^^
It was a wonderful meal..
After meal and cake, I got to found that
Dad spent the afternoon running around for my gift.
They were wayyy too cute! Haha...
Granny was happy, I was happy...
For the first time in a looong time,
I feel very special on my day...
thanks to my wonderful and amazing FAMILY!!! ^^
And my special friends.
I got a special gift from someone by midnight too which made it even better..
Two days after,
Mom woke me up...
Apparently a box came for me...
She thought it was a purchase..
When I saw it... I was shocked...
It passed by many countries to get here,
another silly friend of mind did it again.
I was totally speechless looking at it.
And boy it was heavy...
I have never received such a huge gift before..
Nothing really flew in independently to be fore
Just so I feel loved on my special day.
This time, I got so many surprises...
I really wonder who did I do to deserve such family and friendships...
But I really do cherish and treasure these unique individuals,
Who knows how to make me feel like the most special individual,
Even though its just for a day.
To my lovely people,
I love you all tru and tru...
I thank God for letting you guys enter my life and me into yours...
May you all be blessed with tons of wonderful blessings,
just as how you guys blessed me...
From the deepest sincerity in my heart,
Thank You So So Much...
Thank You - Jayesslee
So that I wont forget it one day.
So, yours truly isnt JUST adult anymore.
This year, it was quiet...
Though it was on a Sunday,
It was really really quiet...
No one remembers the insignificant event,
Just a couple of special ones remembered.
I guessed its also the best celebration in a sense.
It felt a bit weird to only get a text about it...
But I got a whole lot of love from the special few.
First off...
I found a package outside my house one fine day...
And I thought it was a magazine..
But when I saw those stamps...
I knew who's the mastermind behind all this...
My silly friend took all the trouble to make sure I receive an airmail before the day..
I was shocked!
The first ever airmailed package!!!!! Hahaha...
Someone remembered after all!!!
It sat on my bed for 2 whole weeks before it saw light..
Then, a very cute friend of mine made an appointment so that she could call me!
She is wayyy too cute.
And we talked on that day! Haha...
She was so worried I wont be free to pick up a call... haha..
And on that day,
It was way quieter than the other years...
But I like it that way...
My mom and sis planted a gift in my room by midnight,
Sis posted on my wall to make sure I see it...
And now the cute lil thing is sitting on my bed! ^^
Dad, he was way funny...
He said that he was heading to KL,
So I wasn't expecting to have dinner with him.
And spent the afternoon decorating our lil Christmas tree...
Its the most beautiful tree ever!
Well, at least to me.
The night before, us gals sat down and made ornaments fkr our tree... i
It was fun....
A day I longed for a loong loong time..
Us doing things together..
I knew mom and sis are trying hard to make me feel happy...
And I was, indeed..
After that, I wanted to watch Nodame the movie agaun,
Mom spent the afternoon watching it with me..
Then, dad came back.. with cake. Haha..
And he brought us out for dinner and we brought granny!! ^^
It was a wonderful meal..
After meal and cake, I got to found that
Dad spent the afternoon running around for my gift.
They were wayyy too cute! Haha...
Granny was happy, I was happy...
For the first time in a looong time,
I feel very special on my day...
thanks to my wonderful and amazing FAMILY!!! ^^
And my special friends.
I got a special gift from someone by midnight too which made it even better..
Two days after,
Mom woke me up...
Apparently a box came for me...
She thought it was a purchase..
When I saw it... I was shocked...
It passed by many countries to get here,
another silly friend of mind did it again.
I was totally speechless looking at it.
And boy it was heavy...
I have never received such a huge gift before..
Nothing really flew in independently to be fore
Just so I feel loved on my special day.
This time, I got so many surprises...
I really wonder who did I do to deserve such family and friendships...
But I really do cherish and treasure these unique individuals,
Who knows how to make me feel like the most special individual,
Even though its just for a day.
To my lovely people,
I love you all tru and tru...
I thank God for letting you guys enter my life and me into yours...
May you all be blessed with tons of wonderful blessings,
just as how you guys blessed me...
From the deepest sincerity in my heart,
Thank You So So Much...
Thank You - Jayesslee
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Abyss
Am not sure if anyone reads this anymore, but I have this suddenly urge to post something here today, after
3 years of Psychology Degree education,
10 days of my first outreach in Philippines,
4 months of wonderful time working with a bunch of cheerful people,
4 days in Siem Reap, AOF mission trip,
4 months working and living in a real life dream, Yellowstone National Park,
1 month traveling around the well know cities in the States,
and 1 month plus at home,
I am sitting right here, right now, aimless, passing day by day wondering,
What's next?
I practically lived in a dream for the past few months,
Doing things I would have never imagined myself doing,
completing the course I've been wanting to complete more than half of my life,
being to places where I didn't even know existed last year,
Saw the most beautiful sceneries in the world,
met some amazing people who are different from anyone I've met before...
What now? What's next?
I find myself ruminating about these 2 questions a lot recently.
Let's face it, I still want to continue this wonderful dream,
thinking life is a bliss,
Telling myself that don't have to worry about life, money, work, education, family...
And continue the wonderful streak of seeing new heights alone.
I can't help but to replay the memories I had in Yellowstone,
I won't lie...
They made me feel special in a way,
Gave me a special place to be at,
reminded me that I left a part of me there when took my last bus ride out of Yellowstone and never came back....
But when I wake up from that beautiful dream, I feel like a brat.
You see, I sort of lost the ability to think,
to plan, to be competent,
to do fore-thinking, to be hardworking....
And I hate that...
I read lots of articles on how to be more efficient,
how to make the best out of our time,
how to behave like a VIP in life, being on top of the game all the time...
I know all the tips, but I don't feel any different.
Like most people, I went to Yellowstone thinking that I will get to see a bigger picture of my life,
While working in a different country with people of different nations around the world, waiting for that 'A-HA' moment to wake me up and know what I want to do next...
It never did wake me up.... I am still dreaming.... which is, sad...
Anyway, just wanted to rant as I don't really know what to do at this very moment.
Yes, I am a tad bit sad that I didn't get to blog when I was in Yellowstone...
There was always so much to do, so many peopele to meet, so many places to go....
While I swim in the liquid of abyss in my mind, I shall continue to hope that the Lord will shine the way.... And I won't make a decision that I will never regret....
Good night peeps...
3 years of Psychology Degree education,
10 days of my first outreach in Philippines,
4 months of wonderful time working with a bunch of cheerful people,
4 days in Siem Reap, AOF mission trip,
4 months working and living in a real life dream, Yellowstone National Park,
1 month traveling around the well know cities in the States,
and 1 month plus at home,
I am sitting right here, right now, aimless, passing day by day wondering,
What's next?
I practically lived in a dream for the past few months,
Doing things I would have never imagined myself doing,
completing the course I've been wanting to complete more than half of my life,
being to places where I didn't even know existed last year,
Saw the most beautiful sceneries in the world,
met some amazing people who are different from anyone I've met before...
What now? What's next?
I find myself ruminating about these 2 questions a lot recently.
Let's face it, I still want to continue this wonderful dream,
thinking life is a bliss,
Telling myself that don't have to worry about life, money, work, education, family...
And continue the wonderful streak of seeing new heights alone.
I can't help but to replay the memories I had in Yellowstone,
I won't lie...
They made me feel special in a way,
Gave me a special place to be at,
reminded me that I left a part of me there when took my last bus ride out of Yellowstone and never came back....
But when I wake up from that beautiful dream, I feel like a brat.
You see, I sort of lost the ability to think,
to plan, to be competent,
to do fore-thinking, to be hardworking....
And I hate that...
I read lots of articles on how to be more efficient,
how to make the best out of our time,
how to behave like a VIP in life, being on top of the game all the time...
I know all the tips, but I don't feel any different.
Like most people, I went to Yellowstone thinking that I will get to see a bigger picture of my life,
While working in a different country with people of different nations around the world, waiting for that 'A-HA' moment to wake me up and know what I want to do next...
It never did wake me up.... I am still dreaming.... which is, sad...
Anyway, just wanted to rant as I don't really know what to do at this very moment.
Yes, I am a tad bit sad that I didn't get to blog when I was in Yellowstone...
There was always so much to do, so many peopele to meet, so many places to go....
While I swim in the liquid of abyss in my mind, I shall continue to hope that the Lord will shine the way.... And I won't make a decision that I will never regret....
Good night peeps...
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
B team, B stands for BEST
This post was meant to be posted two weeks ago... But I didn't manage to click on the 'post' button, coz I really didn't want to say good bye.... But I am really touched right now, my heart feels a tinge of sadness mixed with a pinch of happiness.... J really made me feel like crying....
This part is written last week, when it was my last .
Everytime I listen to 'All of Me', my heart skips a beat.
It's really beautiful~~~
Am glad that it's also W's favourite song. =)
Have been on an euphoric mode the past two days.
I am just overjoyed..
The people around me,
Ivy, Jah, Ai, J, Linda and the lecturers were all so kind to me..
It's a bit overwhelming as they do many things that my own family and friends won't do for me.
They tell me what should I do in desperate occasions,
always there to my rescue whenever I meet difficult students,
made sure I was alright throughout my whole course of working with them,
saw that something was wrong with my legs asked me and scolded me for not going to the Dr.,
being the only people who replies to my funky lil' moves,
going along with whatever silly little tricks I was plotting,
taking pics even though they don't want to because I asked them to,
bringing me out for meals,
taking such a great care of me...
They get angry when I was 'bullied' by others,
knowing that I love to eat,
they made sure I get to try all sorts of food.
Oh ya, I shouldn't forget JG as well. The one who took the initiative to make sure I know what to do in US from head to toe.... Thanks dude! ^^
They always say they will miss me... They love me a lot...
Even my family don't say that to me that often.
Haha... I am the one who will miss them dearly.
For the past four months, they have been my friends, sisters and family...
I don't know how to write out how I am feeling right now,
but it's joyful + Sad at the same time...
Lord, you blessed me with all sorts of good things,
_______________________________________________________________________________
A tragic news was delivered last Sat morning,
a great man, Mr. Kenneth Phun was announced to have passed away in his sleep in a church retreat at Frasers Hill....
I woke up, reading this sad news on my tablet,
and I can feel that the rest of the gals were as shocked as me even though we didn't meet face to face...
I felt really bad as I remembered my last thought of him wasn't a good thought and I left without saying goodbye that day. I can't believe that I would never get to do that again...
Guilt can be a painful thing....
But lucky for me, W said something which makes sense:
We shouldn't rule out what a person has done just because they have passed away...
Yeah, many times we feel bad for not have much fond memories about a person
and feel that we should not think of them at all...
But the truth is, the person impacted us when they are alive and no matter whether we have good or bad memories of the person, we should not pretend that whatever that happened did not happen at all.
Guess this helped me realize that it's self-inflicted guilt and I should remember both the happy and not so happy memories of Mr. Kenneth, the jolly HOD who always have time to play. =)
This tragic event allowed me to stay at the department for one more day.
We went to the wake together... And I am glad I went with them...
Tthe wake of this jolly man who had obviously inspired so many people throughout his life and is resulted by the number of people who came to attend his wake service.
I stumbled upon something which made me realize how much of a sister J is to me.
I am ever so blessed to be able to meet people who loves and care about me.
Now I have a keychain named after me!!! Hehehe...Feel so honoured and touched! Hehehe.... =D
Now I don't feel so reluctant to leave as I know I will be back and meet all of them again soon~
The one extra day I had is sufficient to know that our friendship will last for a long time. ^^
This part is written last week, when it was my last .
Everytime I listen to 'All of Me', my heart skips a beat.
It's really beautiful~~~
Am glad that it's also W's favourite song. =)
Have been on an euphoric mode the past two days.
I am just overjoyed..
The people around me,
Ivy, Jah, Ai, J, Linda and the lecturers were all so kind to me..
It's a bit overwhelming as they do many things that my own family and friends won't do for me.
They tell me what should I do in desperate occasions,
always there to my rescue whenever I meet difficult students,
made sure I was alright throughout my whole course of working with them,
saw that something was wrong with my legs asked me and scolded me for not going to the Dr.,
being the only people who replies to my funky lil' moves,
going along with whatever silly little tricks I was plotting,
taking pics even though they don't want to because I asked them to,
bringing me out for meals,
taking such a great care of me...
They get angry when I was 'bullied' by others,
knowing that I love to eat,
they made sure I get to try all sorts of food.
Oh ya, I shouldn't forget JG as well. The one who took the initiative to make sure I know what to do in US from head to toe.... Thanks dude! ^^
They always say they will miss me... They love me a lot...
Even my family don't say that to me that often.
Haha... I am the one who will miss them dearly.
For the past four months, they have been my friends, sisters and family...
I don't know how to write out how I am feeling right now,
but it's joyful + Sad at the same time...
Lord, you blessed me with all sorts of good things,
_______________________________________________________________________________
A tragic news was delivered last Sat morning,
a great man, Mr. Kenneth Phun was announced to have passed away in his sleep in a church retreat at Frasers Hill....
I woke up, reading this sad news on my tablet,
and I can feel that the rest of the gals were as shocked as me even though we didn't meet face to face...
I felt really bad as I remembered my last thought of him wasn't a good thought and I left without saying goodbye that day. I can't believe that I would never get to do that again...
Guilt can be a painful thing....
But lucky for me, W said something which makes sense:
We shouldn't rule out what a person has done just because they have passed away...
Yeah, many times we feel bad for not have much fond memories about a person
and feel that we should not think of them at all...
But the truth is, the person impacted us when they are alive and no matter whether we have good or bad memories of the person, we should not pretend that whatever that happened did not happen at all.
Guess this helped me realize that it's self-inflicted guilt and I should remember both the happy and not so happy memories of Mr. Kenneth, the jolly HOD who always have time to play. =)
This tragic event allowed me to stay at the department for one more day.
We went to the wake together... And I am glad I went with them...
Tthe wake of this jolly man who had obviously inspired so many people throughout his life and is resulted by the number of people who came to attend his wake service.
I stumbled upon something which made me realize how much of a sister J is to me.
I am ever so blessed to be able to meet people who loves and care about me.
Now I have a keychain named after me!!! Hehehe...Feel so honoured and touched! Hehehe.... =D
Now I don't feel so reluctant to leave as I know I will be back and meet all of them again soon~
The one extra day I had is sufficient to know that our friendship will last for a long time. ^^
My Family, the people who had been my world for the past few months, who supported me in everything that I did... I cannot thank you all enough for being so amazing and for making me feel so wonderful...
Through the Fire-Chaka Khan
Friday, April 11, 2014
Because I'm Happy~
Its midnight again,
A time where my thoughts run free,
when my brain is most stimulated.
Am munching a plum right now, an expensive plum which daddy bought for me just beacuse I craved for it.
It's not sweet, or amazing, not the kind of plum I was craving,
but its really satisfying.
For the past few months I have been validated more times than I had ever been my whole life.
I can't tell enough how awesome my colleagues make me feel,
though I know that I am not that great at all...
But today was the day I feel loved and wonderful.
One major part of my job is to validate people's parking token,
I had to validate around 30 tokens each day and they come at differing times of the day.
They were all very friendly and polite,
and I am secretly glad that I had to do the job as I get to meet and talk to people everyday.
There's this pretty lady who always comes in with a smile,
and never failed to strike a conversation with me, even if it's just a brief 'How are you?'.
She's my fav among all those who comes to validate their token.
Today she came again, as usual passing me her token to be validated and put a Gloria Jeans box on my table. I thought she was just putting it there as she waited for me so I did not pay any attention to it.
Then she passed me the box,
saying 'This is for you. Thank You for always smiling, I know it's not easy to do it everyday... It means a lot to me...'
It caught me in surprise as I would never think that people would thank me for small little things like that.
But at the same time I was touched that she is so thoughtful as to remember me...
For something that I don't do consciously, it mattered to her, I am glad.
As she was in the midst of talking to my colleague, I overheard that it's sort of like her last day coming so often as she finished her practicuum.
I was a bit sad and I didn't know what to do, because she's the first I'll be saying bye bye to before I finish my contract...
I wanted to give her something to thank her for making my job a lil' more interesting,
but I didn't have anything with me..
In the end, all I did was to ask her if I can take a picture of her.
Had to use Olympus as Nikon wasn't with me today...
Her Chocolate Hazelnut pie (Or something like that) really made my day...
She said it's her favorite and she hope that I'll like it,
it was touching and I really really feel grateful and the pie is super YUMMY!!!!!
Hope to see her again soon! =)
I'm a happy girl! ^^
Thanks Christy! You're so cute and beautiful at the same time, all the best with your internship! ^^
Just now this thought came into my mind:
Devils are like dust,
We have to clean it everytime, thinking that we will be clean after that,
But it comes back,
Then you'll have to sweep it clean again, and it comes back again...
Dust never actually go away, they just disperse and comes back and clot until it's visible to us.
It's just like how we are everyday, we try to keep ourselves away from the devils.
but the it keeps coming back,
and many times we live with dust,
feeling lazy to clean it off...
Forgetting God's word, forget to read the bible,
Forget to ask Him for help.
So we succumb to sinning.
I guess what we need to do is to clean the dust daily,
read His Words each and everyday to keep the devil away,
even though he doesn't actually go way, at least we can remind ourselves to keep away from him.
I really hope that this dust analogy can be my motivation to read His Words. hehe..
Shallows-Daughter
A time where my thoughts run free,
when my brain is most stimulated.
Am munching a plum right now, an expensive plum which daddy bought for me just beacuse I craved for it.
It's not sweet, or amazing, not the kind of plum I was craving,
but its really satisfying.
For the past few months I have been validated more times than I had ever been my whole life.
I can't tell enough how awesome my colleagues make me feel,
though I know that I am not that great at all...
But today was the day I feel loved and wonderful.
One major part of my job is to validate people's parking token,
I had to validate around 30 tokens each day and they come at differing times of the day.
They were all very friendly and polite,
and I am secretly glad that I had to do the job as I get to meet and talk to people everyday.
There's this pretty lady who always comes in with a smile,
and never failed to strike a conversation with me, even if it's just a brief 'How are you?'.
She's my fav among all those who comes to validate their token.
Today she came again, as usual passing me her token to be validated and put a Gloria Jeans box on my table. I thought she was just putting it there as she waited for me so I did not pay any attention to it.
Then she passed me the box,
saying 'This is for you. Thank You for always smiling, I know it's not easy to do it everyday... It means a lot to me...'
It caught me in surprise as I would never think that people would thank me for small little things like that.
But at the same time I was touched that she is so thoughtful as to remember me...
For something that I don't do consciously, it mattered to her, I am glad.
As she was in the midst of talking to my colleague, I overheard that it's sort of like her last day coming so often as she finished her practicuum.
I was a bit sad and I didn't know what to do, because she's the first I'll be saying bye bye to before I finish my contract...
I wanted to give her something to thank her for making my job a lil' more interesting,
but I didn't have anything with me..
In the end, all I did was to ask her if I can take a picture of her.
Had to use Olympus as Nikon wasn't with me today...
Her Chocolate Hazelnut pie (Or something like that) really made my day...
She said it's her favorite and she hope that I'll like it,
it was touching and I really really feel grateful and the pie is super YUMMY!!!!!
Hope to see her again soon! =)
I'm a happy girl! ^^
Thanks Christy! You're so cute and beautiful at the same time, all the best with your internship! ^^
" People who can make others feel great are Great people themselves"...
Just now this thought came into my mind:
Devils are like dust,
We have to clean it everytime, thinking that we will be clean after that,
But it comes back,
Then you'll have to sweep it clean again, and it comes back again...
Dust never actually go away, they just disperse and comes back and clot until it's visible to us.
It's just like how we are everyday, we try to keep ourselves away from the devils.
but the it keeps coming back,
and many times we live with dust,
feeling lazy to clean it off...
Forgetting God's word, forget to read the bible,
Forget to ask Him for help.
So we succumb to sinning.
I guess what we need to do is to clean the dust daily,
read His Words each and everyday to keep the devil away,
even though he doesn't actually go way, at least we can remind ourselves to keep away from him.
I really hope that this dust analogy can be my motivation to read His Words. hehe..
Shallows-Daughter
Friday, April 4, 2014
There are times...
There are times when I would like to have a portable car.
A car which I can bring myself everywhere,
fetching the people I care a lot around,
pick them from their distress,
bring them to the most amazing ice-cream place ever,
bring the whole group of people to have a warm dinner together.
Sometimes I would like to drive a bus,
so I can fetch a whole bus full of people for the cause we all believe in,
to places we want to explore together,
to leave no one out from the adventures we embark on,
going anywhere and everywhere who needs us,
without having to worry about how to get to places.
Some times I just wish I have an eye for details,
the special ability to look at the small things in life,
to be able to spot mistakes,
make adjustments to the tiny whinny errors made,
to perfect the imperfections in everything,
to make the world a little prettier,
to help reduce the work of others.
Most of the time I would like to be more disciplined,
making sure that I do everything I want to do constantly,
reading the scriptures each and everyday,
listening to beautiful voices everyday,
jotting down each and every details of my life so I won't forget,
spare more time with the people I love,
to keep the words I have promised,
give to others to the best of my ability,
constantly.
There are also times when I wish I could be better,
being in a much further place than I am now,
to be able to know more about people,
without feeling a little less of my self,
to be able to improve from who I used to be,
be able to get better in the things I do from before,
instead of standing at the very same spot I was 5 years ago,
going no where...
But most of the time I am fascinated,
about many things in life,
like how come kids can say things like chicken in replacement to kitchen,
how amazing some people can be when they sing or play the violin,
how come such wonderful pictures can come from an amateur photographer,
how can people take pictures with such impact at a time of terror,
how freely birds can fly,
how amusing my colleagues find me to be,
how happy children in Cambodia can be,
how friendly Philippinos are,
how powerful love can be,
the way my parents show that they love me and my sister,
the secret to grandma's way of making me feel awesome,
the great creations God has made,
the love that God has for each and everyone of us...
how life is an irony that the more awesome I feel about myself, I feel worst about myself.
We can't always get what we want, so we just make the most of what we can get.
A car which I can bring myself everywhere,
fetching the people I care a lot around,
pick them from their distress,
bring them to the most amazing ice-cream place ever,
bring the whole group of people to have a warm dinner together.
Sometimes I would like to drive a bus,
so I can fetch a whole bus full of people for the cause we all believe in,
to places we want to explore together,
to leave no one out from the adventures we embark on,
going anywhere and everywhere who needs us,
without having to worry about how to get to places.
Some times I just wish I have an eye for details,
the special ability to look at the small things in life,
to be able to spot mistakes,
make adjustments to the tiny whinny errors made,
to perfect the imperfections in everything,
to help reduce the work of others.
Most of the time I would like to be more disciplined,
making sure that I do everything I want to do constantly,
reading the scriptures each and everyday,
listening to beautiful voices everyday,
jotting down each and every details of my life so I won't forget,
spare more time with the people I love,
to keep the words I have promised,
give to others to the best of my ability,
constantly.
There are also times when I wish I could be better,
being in a much further place than I am now,
to be able to know more about people,
without feeling a little less of my self,
to be able to improve from who I used to be,
be able to get better in the things I do from before,
instead of standing at the very same spot I was 5 years ago,
going no where...
But most of the time I am fascinated,
about many things in life,
like how come kids can say things like chicken in replacement to kitchen,
how amazing some people can be when they sing or play the violin,
how come such wonderful pictures can come from an amateur photographer,
how can people take pictures with such impact at a time of terror,
how freely birds can fly,
how amusing my colleagues find me to be,
how happy children in Cambodia can be,
how friendly Philippinos are,
how powerful love can be,
the way my parents show that they love me and my sister,
the secret to grandma's way of making me feel awesome,
the great creations God has made,
the love that God has for each and everyone of us...
how life is an irony that the more awesome I feel about myself, I feel worst about myself.
We can't always get what we want, so we just make the most of what we can get.
The sun will always appear after a storm,
hope will never cease.
Lord willing, I can be better.
I miss AOF, having kids to cling on me,
I miss eating Roasted needle mushrooms with butter!
Do You Want to Build A Snowman - Kristen Bell / Katie Lopez / Agatha Lee Monn
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Random Ramblings
Ailey
Biley
Ciley
Diley
Eiley
Filey
Giley
Hiley
Jiley
Kiley
Liley
Miley
Niley
Oiley
Piley
Qiley
Riley
Siley
Tiley
Viley
Wiley
Xiley
Yiley
Ziley
Haha.... Guess which is my favourite?
Having little burst of energy in the middle of the night, something woke me up, not sure what is it, but at least I feel much better and hopeful now. God gave me the energy to move on and I thank you Lord.
Had been feeling kinda low lately, nothing seems to excite me, but am glad to feel a little of my 'strive till the end' momentum back, even if it's just the middle of the night. Been searching for things to occupy my time after work, yes, work. Sadly I became part of the working class, but am glad that I am working with great people. Just that life seems to lost it's momentum for a bit, as in, what can I do? And what do I look forward to everyday? It's funny that it's so easy to find things to look forward to while I was still a student and not when I really have time to do the things I want, like now. Had a sudden realization that I could do so much, and I just need to choose one to do at a time. =)
A drama got me thinking, what if my future self comes back and tell me to do things differently? Would I listen to her? Or proceed to doing things my way? Hmm.... Knowing the eccentric me, I would have gone my way no matter what. But it's the future me calling for help, it's me essentially and she saw that what I am bound to do won't lead to a good life, should I listen to her then? Hmm...
Another thing that kept me thinking was the person who was once your best friend, your sister, your ex, your parents, the person who is next to closest person to you, suddenly became strangers... How could such things happen? And what should we do to prevent this from happening? Cause it's like a nightmare in relationships, the thing most people fear most in their lives. Shouldn't we be paranoid about it and find ways and means to ensure that this won't happen?
A friend posted something like, my personality is what I am born with, and my attitude is towards who I am with. Sounds legit... Is it true? Hmm...
Dunno why, I suddenly felt a tinging feeling that I have lost touch with music... Hmm... I miss making music~ lalalla~~
Ok, guess it's enough ramblings for the night. Finally posted something after wanting to for the past few weeks. Nights folks~
2 Corinthians 6: 1-10
City of God (A beautiful song)
Biley
Ciley
Diley
Eiley
Filey
Giley
Hiley
Jiley
Kiley
Liley
Miley
Niley
Oiley
Piley
Qiley
Riley
Siley
Tiley
Viley
Wiley
Xiley
Yiley
Ziley
Haha.... Guess which is my favourite?
Having little burst of energy in the middle of the night, something woke me up, not sure what is it, but at least I feel much better and hopeful now. God gave me the energy to move on and I thank you Lord.
Had been feeling kinda low lately, nothing seems to excite me, but am glad to feel a little of my 'strive till the end' momentum back, even if it's just the middle of the night. Been searching for things to occupy my time after work, yes, work. Sadly I became part of the working class, but am glad that I am working with great people. Just that life seems to lost it's momentum for a bit, as in, what can I do? And what do I look forward to everyday? It's funny that it's so easy to find things to look forward to while I was still a student and not when I really have time to do the things I want, like now. Had a sudden realization that I could do so much, and I just need to choose one to do at a time. =)
A drama got me thinking, what if my future self comes back and tell me to do things differently? Would I listen to her? Or proceed to doing things my way? Hmm.... Knowing the eccentric me, I would have gone my way no matter what. But it's the future me calling for help, it's me essentially and she saw that what I am bound to do won't lead to a good life, should I listen to her then? Hmm...
Another thing that kept me thinking was the person who was once your best friend, your sister, your ex, your parents, the person who is next to closest person to you, suddenly became strangers... How could such things happen? And what should we do to prevent this from happening? Cause it's like a nightmare in relationships, the thing most people fear most in their lives. Shouldn't we be paranoid about it and find ways and means to ensure that this won't happen?
A friend posted something like, my personality is what I am born with, and my attitude is towards who I am with. Sounds legit... Is it true? Hmm...
Dunno why, I suddenly felt a tinging feeling that I have lost touch with music... Hmm... I miss making music~ lalalla~~
Ok, guess it's enough ramblings for the night. Finally posted something after wanting to for the past few weeks. Nights folks~
2 Corinthians 6: 1-10
As God’s co-workers we urge you not to receive God’s grace in vain. For he says,
“In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you.”
I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation.
We put no stumbling block in anyone’s path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.
City of God (A beautiful song)
Thursday, January 9, 2014
I Feel like My Heart is Gonna Burst
Sometimes when I listen to a song I really like,
really really like,
it makes me feel as though my heart is gonna burst.
I can't comprehend why, but it just feel awesome....
Makes me feel inspired to do the song,
to sing it out with all my heart and soul,
hoping that it sounds as beautiful as how I heard it.
It's just amazing,
that feeling.
I just want to be able to get people who can create beautiful melodies with me,
be it a band, orchestra or my own acapella group.
I just want to sing,
I just want to play,
with everything I have.
It's a new year again,
many things have changed.
I am no longer a student anymore.
Though it does not make much difference as I get to go to my uni everyday still,
but when I get home everyday,
it just feel, different.
I want to have assignments, rush for events, have practices, and just listen to lectures.
And I realized, all these won't happen anymore.
Things are different even if I take my Masters...
But one thing that is fortunate is that I get good colleagues.
My third day of my official job went by blissfully.
My colleagues are just so cute and welcoming.
Thank you Lord. =)
My uni life gave me so much that till now I still flip back to the past to relive some of the most wonderful moment in my life.
Also, I got to achieve things that I secretly wanted to do in my uni life.
Yeps, I played in a band,
an official band,
as a guitarist and a bassist.
Fulfilling the dreams of my previously amateur mind,
thinking that by knowing a few chords, I can play in a band.
Though it wasn't a perfect performance as I screwed up some parts,
it happened.
And I loved my oldies and miss them dearly.
Also, I got to be the vocals at KLPAC, even though I was just a harmonizer.
Something I really wanted to do after watching lead singers like Hayley Williams, Jung YongHwa, Demi Lovato play and sing, wowing everyone...
It just feels AMAZING...
I love the stage,
yep, I like to be on stage, A WHOLE LOT!
And God gave me a stage.
I am blessed.
I went to Philippines for a mission trip,
Organized camps accommodating around 600 campers,
Bought groceries amounted around 2k for aborigines,
Pulled off a stage play and a mini musical of singing and dancing,
Had an exhibition and production performance in a mall,
Learned how to design,
Shot pictures for official events,
Won colloquium, twice,
Played in a netball team,
Hiked 2 mountains,
Tutored maths to a secondary student...
Performed at two contemporary concerts,
went to my first artist concert in my life, JASON MRAZ,
1st MPO concert,
1st STOMP concert...
Life is just wonderful.
And I never regretted joining HELP.
Period.
Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova
really really like,
it makes me feel as though my heart is gonna burst.
I can't comprehend why, but it just feel awesome....
Makes me feel inspired to do the song,
to sing it out with all my heart and soul,
hoping that it sounds as beautiful as how I heard it.
It's just amazing,
that feeling.
I just want to be able to get people who can create beautiful melodies with me,
be it a band, orchestra or my own acapella group.
I just want to sing,
I just want to play,
with everything I have.
It's a new year again,
many things have changed.
I am no longer a student anymore.
Though it does not make much difference as I get to go to my uni everyday still,
but when I get home everyday,
it just feel, different.
I want to have assignments, rush for events, have practices, and just listen to lectures.
And I realized, all these won't happen anymore.
Things are different even if I take my Masters...
But one thing that is fortunate is that I get good colleagues.
My third day of my official job went by blissfully.
My colleagues are just so cute and welcoming.
Thank you Lord. =)
My uni life gave me so much that till now I still flip back to the past to relive some of the most wonderful moment in my life.
Also, I got to achieve things that I secretly wanted to do in my uni life.
Yeps, I played in a band,
an official band,
as a guitarist and a bassist.
Fulfilling the dreams of my previously amateur mind,
thinking that by knowing a few chords, I can play in a band.
Though it wasn't a perfect performance as I screwed up some parts,
it happened.
And I loved my oldies and miss them dearly.
Also, I got to be the vocals at KLPAC, even though I was just a harmonizer.
Something I really wanted to do after watching lead singers like Hayley Williams, Jung YongHwa, Demi Lovato play and sing, wowing everyone...
It just feels AMAZING...
I love the stage,
yep, I like to be on stage, A WHOLE LOT!
And God gave me a stage.
I am blessed.
I went to Philippines for a mission trip,
Organized camps accommodating around 600 campers,
Bought groceries amounted around 2k for aborigines,
Pulled off a stage play and a mini musical of singing and dancing,
Had an exhibition and production performance in a mall,
Learned how to design,
Shot pictures for official events,
Won colloquium, twice,
Played in a netball team,
Hiked 2 mountains,
Tutored maths to a secondary student...
Performed at two contemporary concerts,
went to my first artist concert in my life, JASON MRAZ,
1st MPO concert,
1st STOMP concert...
This is a beautiful beautiful world.
Taken at Kibungan Mountain range.
Life is just wonderful.
And I never regretted joining HELP.
Period.
Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
Each and everyday, I feel less of myself...
I know this sounds emo, but am trying to write as much as I can.
I want to get back into writing, journal the state I am so that as time passes, I know of a place to remember what happened in my lifetime.
Credits to this have to be given to the bad memory I have.
Every day I scroll through my social networks,
it is interesting to see what other people have done and accomplished.
But it only leaves me feeling small and intimidated.
Where am I now, what am I doing?
I used to be sure of everything that I do,
how I like things to be.
I still do now, but it is not as important
as it seems previously.
I don't really care about what will I work as, how will things work out.
I don't care what happens next.
Now there's this empty space inside, dying slowly I guess.
Is it because I'm nearing the finish line of my student life?
Crap, I don't even know if I can graduate now.
Heart constantly pounds heavily these days.
Yes, am feeling apprehensive...
I am not usually like that, even on the day of deadline, I don't experience such immense emotions when I am no where near done with my assignments...
But now, things are almost done,
I feel scared, disheartened... Lost.
There's so many things I want to do and I would like to do as always.
But what is different now is that I don't feel like doing any of them now.
And I know I will regret one day...
To be fair, I am living a really decent life,
I know of people who care about me (Or at least I would like to think so),
I get education,
No worries about food and lodging,
No constant fight or flight mode...
What a good life to have.
But I don't know...
Life feels hopeless right now.
As in even though I get to do the things I want,
there's nothing to look forward to.
Exams, Philippines, Christmas, Outings, Work, Cambodia, US...
Yet, I don't feel all that excited for them...
Have I reached the platonic state of life?
Anyway, lucky for me, yesterday and the day before I had dinner and lunch with two different groups who I have not expect to feel belonged and comfortable being with.
The deep discussions with COS group and the cheerful full-of-life conversations with the Sagittarius group brought me out of the platonic state I had been the past few days in that few hours.
Am also grateful to have sweet friends who remembers what you said to them and remembers how special some day means to me...
THANK YOU Lord.
"It's a long long Journey,
till I don't know where I'm supposed to be...
It's a long long Journey,
And I don't know if I can believe..."
- A song I think most people can relate to, nicely written and sung...
I know this sounds emo, but am trying to write as much as I can.
I want to get back into writing, journal the state I am so that as time passes, I know of a place to remember what happened in my lifetime.
Credits to this have to be given to the bad memory I have.
Every day I scroll through my social networks,
it is interesting to see what other people have done and accomplished.
But it only leaves me feeling small and intimidated.
Where am I now, what am I doing?
I used to be sure of everything that I do,
how I like things to be.
I still do now, but it is not as important
as it seems previously.
I don't really care about what will I work as, how will things work out.
I don't care what happens next.
Now there's this empty space inside, dying slowly I guess.
Is it because I'm nearing the finish line of my student life?
Crap, I don't even know if I can graduate now.
Heart constantly pounds heavily these days.
Yes, am feeling apprehensive...
I am not usually like that, even on the day of deadline, I don't experience such immense emotions when I am no where near done with my assignments...
But now, things are almost done,
I feel scared, disheartened... Lost.
There's so many things I want to do and I would like to do as always.
But what is different now is that I don't feel like doing any of them now.
And I know I will regret one day...
To be fair, I am living a really decent life,
I know of people who care about me (Or at least I would like to think so),
I get education,
No worries about food and lodging,
No constant fight or flight mode...
What a good life to have.
But I don't know...
Life feels hopeless right now.
As in even though I get to do the things I want,
there's nothing to look forward to.
Exams, Philippines, Christmas, Outings, Work, Cambodia, US...
Yet, I don't feel all that excited for them...
Have I reached the platonic state of life?
Anyway, lucky for me, yesterday and the day before I had dinner and lunch with two different groups who I have not expect to feel belonged and comfortable being with.
The deep discussions with COS group and the cheerful full-of-life conversations with the Sagittarius group brought me out of the platonic state I had been the past few days in that few hours.
Am also grateful to have sweet friends who remembers what you said to them and remembers how special some day means to me...
THANK YOU Lord.
"It's a long long Journey,
till I don't know where I'm supposed to be...
It's a long long Journey,
And I don't know if I can believe..."
- A song I think most people can relate to, nicely written and sung...
There's a stage,
there is light,
But there's no one there...
It's empty...
Is it still a stage?
Journey - Angela Zhang
Monday, December 2, 2013
Blessing in Disguise
Some times I wish that I have never entered the happy portrait...
Peeking through the stairwell silently, I've always wondered how good life is, if I have never entered their's.
But I was place into the picture, which is weird.
I have no choice but to stay, it's the only way'.
I believe God sends people to some places because it fits the puzzle...
Just like how some parents receive kids with special needs,
they get them because they themselves are special enough to take care of their child,
some one who will carry them through, making the best out of them.
But not everyone sees it that way...
If there's a misfit in life, I am quite sure that I'm the only misfit it in...
And it is only so that I feel like I don't belong in that place.
Perhaps its just a play of perceptions...
__________________________________________________________________
Anyway, here's a good news.
I have never actually won anything in my life which makes me proud.
So this will be the first time...
Got Best Presenter for my research category in the last colloquium of my uni life! haha..
I am really happy because it is the last thing on earth that I expect to happen.
The minute Ms Winnee announced my name, I was stunned. haha...
THANK YOU MS. JOCELYN for considering me even though I felt that I screwed up.
I am so happy! Here's what I got.
Peeking through the stairwell silently, I've always wondered how good life is, if I have never entered their's.
But I was place into the picture, which is weird.
I have no choice but to stay, it's the only way'.
I believe God sends people to some places because it fits the puzzle...
Just like how some parents receive kids with special needs,
they get them because they themselves are special enough to take care of their child,
some one who will carry them through, making the best out of them.
But not everyone sees it that way...
If there's a misfit in life, I am quite sure that I'm the only misfit it in...
And it is only so that I feel like I don't belong in that place.
Perhaps its just a play of perceptions...
__________________________________________________________________
Anyway, here's a good news.
I have never actually won anything in my life which makes me proud.
So this will be the first time...
Got Best Presenter for my research category in the last colloquium of my uni life! haha..
I am really happy because it is the last thing on earth that I expect to happen.
The minute Ms Winnee announced my name, I was stunned. haha...
THANK YOU MS. JOCELYN for considering me even though I felt that I screwed up.
I am so happy! Here's what I got.
I'm a happy gal!!! ^^
It's a blessing in disguise I guess.
I couldn't sleep the night before as I haven't finished preparing my whole presentation.
And minutes before my presentation, I was still changing my slides.
Really can't believe it happened, THANK YOU GOD! ^^
My last colloquium in HELP,
the day of uni... (Before finals),
and it's by default a special day for me.
I am blessed....
Although it didn't went as I would love it to be,
I learned a valuable lesson that day.
I guess it covers the whole unpleasantness of the whole day.
My baby's name: A Stranger in Others' Eyes: Subjective Experiences of Foreign Workers
Beneath Your Beautiful - Labyrinth
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Hurt
There are times when I say I'm happy,
I'm actually not.
OK doesn't mean that I am really ok.
And feeling better doesn't mean I've recovered.
Sometimes there's actually pain underneath the smile,
Having the inner struggles deep within,
not sure how to express it.
And there goes the people who you thought love you,
saying that you're making things up,
ignoring you all the time,
thinking that the bad things they say about you,
don't really affect you.
To be honest,
despite voicing out all the time...
Telling them that they matter to me, so much...
that what they say, actually matters.
"You're so stupid!"
"Look at people, they can do it, why can't you?"
"You don't help me... Fine! I give up..."
" We'll break"
Despite how ridiculous they think it is that I take that phrase seriously,
It really does.
Each and every time someone says something bad about me,
it actually hurts, a lot.
No matter how much positive force or energy does't shield those painful words,
denying it doesn't either.
All it does is to leave scars,
one by one,
all around me...
I forget...
I do...
A lil' too easily, I think.
But the scars remain...
Every time an incident happens,
it just tear up the scars...
And the bad things told to me appears all over again...
And I forget... things happens...
It's a cycle.
Am I really that stupid?
Am I such a bad and useless person?
I do have a brain and a heart...
I feel... I ruminate... I too understand the implications of each and every word uttered towards me...
But it hurts.
I hope you all understand this one day.
Every word uttered can hurt as much as stabbing a knife into a heart.
That's how I always feel...
The urge to run towards a nail on a wall...
to stop the pain...
But it just makes it more painful...
Thank you for loving me,
and hurting me the same time.
I guess that's the kind of love you all can give,
all I can do is to deal with it.
Another thing which makes me sad is also the fact that there's no longer Finn Hudson to cheer the whole glee club up... Rest in Peace, Cory Monteith.
To Get it Right - Lea Michelle
Friday, June 7, 2013
Submitted
Submitted my thesis proposal...
It really felt like a rock just left my body, but the disappointment towards myself seems to weigh up as much as the lightening of the burden..
I really feel that I can do better.
Its taunting, saddening and at time pricks through the heart when you are reminded about the failure you are...
Well, who's there to blame but me?
Anyway, life must still go on, right?
There are better things to do in life than to dwell in unhappiness~
I really miss my guitar felt instant joy when I played it.
Thanks babe! =)
HohohoHohohohohohHohoho....
Lalalallalallalalalallalalalallalalalal...
Belaian Jiwa - FrequenC cast
It really felt like a rock just left my body, but the disappointment towards myself seems to weigh up as much as the lightening of the burden..
I really feel that I can do better.
Its taunting, saddening and at time pricks through the heart when you are reminded about the failure you are...
Well, who's there to blame but me?
Anyway, life must still go on, right?
There are better things to do in life than to dwell in unhappiness~
I really miss my guitar felt instant joy when I played it.
Thanks babe! =)
HohohoHohohohohohHohoho....
Lalalallalallalalalallalalalallalalalal...
Belaian Jiwa - FrequenC cast
Monday, May 6, 2013
Feeling Black
So this is how disappointment feels like.
The hope of fairness and justice, a better future for the nation has been swept down the drain as results revealed one by one on the main stream media, while at the same time, sudden drastic changes occurred as shared in social networks.
While people fight for the rights of having a clean elections, many were disheartened with what is going on in our beloved country...
Never felt the urge of following the politics of the country until the last few days...
With hope, I listened, learned and updated myself about the current trends happening around, only to know how some people can become when things are not favorable to their sight.
It's sad, really sad...
Father, may this be a chance to unite all nations, may all of us come together and become a strong nation as a whole. Lets not be defeated by the evil, but persevere until our next fight comes... And we shall stand as one, voicing our concerns, granting our rights to retain democracy.
_____________________________________________________________________
It has been really hard to focus these days as there are so many things to distract me.
Lost the ability to read well, write well and most of all, plan well.
Sickened by the stereotypes and discrimination launched towards foreigners...
Saddened by the fact that I hadn't achieve anything I set out to do this year...
Am praying that I can get back onto my feet again, learn to love the life God has given to me, take the opportunities that are lying ahead of me, see the future as something hopeful...
Life is too short for regrets...
Do You Hear the People Sing - Les Miserables
The hope of fairness and justice, a better future for the nation has been swept down the drain as results revealed one by one on the main stream media, while at the same time, sudden drastic changes occurred as shared in social networks.
While people fight for the rights of having a clean elections, many were disheartened with what is going on in our beloved country...
Never felt the urge of following the politics of the country until the last few days...
With hope, I listened, learned and updated myself about the current trends happening around, only to know how some people can become when things are not favorable to their sight.
It's sad, really sad...
Father, may this be a chance to unite all nations, may all of us come together and become a strong nation as a whole. Lets not be defeated by the evil, but persevere until our next fight comes... And we shall stand as one, voicing our concerns, granting our rights to retain democracy.
_____________________________________________________________________
It has been really hard to focus these days as there are so many things to distract me.
Lost the ability to read well, write well and most of all, plan well.
Sickened by the stereotypes and discrimination launched towards foreigners...
Saddened by the fact that I hadn't achieve anything I set out to do this year...
Am praying that I can get back onto my feet again, learn to love the life God has given to me, take the opportunities that are lying ahead of me, see the future as something hopeful...
Life is too short for regrets...
Do You Hear the People Sing - Les Miserables
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Maxim Vangerov
Spent hours watching classical videos and was totally blown off by this young man.
His name?
Maxim Vangerov.
Someone share his performance playing Thai Meditation,
and yeps, that's the song I've been looking for all this while...
The 1st note he played captured me till the end...
He played like he's been playing for a century...
As though he was in his world,
where there is no one else but him and the violin.
The coolest thing was,
he played the Sibelius concerto for half and hour,
standing in front of the stage,
with the majestic orchestra behind and
playing to his heartstrings...
Bravo!
Later I stumbled upon a video which features his masterclass.
He taught four young proteges (I may say) a unique approach to present songs...
In which his secret was to visualize the music in their minds,
and tell the story with the violin...
Then, he was only 24...
So young yet so mature, so talented and soulful...
Never thought that we can actually interpret a piece using our way,
and tell stories using people's music.
The whole 45 minutes was indeed facinating...
It really inspires me to want to be like him,
to play like nothing else matters,
to play like I owned the world...
Maxim Vangerov, thank you!
I really miss vio right now...
His name?
Maxim Vangerov.
Someone share his performance playing Thai Meditation,
and yeps, that's the song I've been looking for all this while...
The 1st note he played captured me till the end...
He played like he's been playing for a century...
As though he was in his world,
where there is no one else but him and the violin.
The coolest thing was,
he played the Sibelius concerto for half and hour,
standing in front of the stage,
with the majestic orchestra behind and
playing to his heartstrings...
Bravo!
Later I stumbled upon a video which features his masterclass.
He taught four young proteges (I may say) a unique approach to present songs...
In which his secret was to visualize the music in their minds,
and tell the story with the violin...
Then, he was only 24...
So young yet so mature, so talented and soulful...
Never thought that we can actually interpret a piece using our way,
and tell stories using people's music.
The whole 45 minutes was indeed facinating...
It really inspires me to want to be like him,
to play like nothing else matters,
to play like I owned the world...
Maxim Vangerov, thank you!
I really miss vio right now...
Tchaikovsky's violin Concerto
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Simple Quiet Night
A night drenched in good music.
Am totally WOW-ed by the number of talents we have in this world.
Juz by randomly clicking on random links got my goosebumps up.
Mezmerized by the mind lingering melodies,
coupled with voices which pulls your heartstrings...
Simply wonderful.
A couple of years ago,
was juz chilling in my living room,
watching anything that was on TV,
there was a man who left a really deep mark in my mind.
As AGT was airing,
I sat there watching auditions to auditions... until this man came...
I forgot what was his name,
but he looked and sound as normal and silly as one could be...
As he talked about himself during the introduction session,
no one knew what he'd got in him,
everyone (me included) was expecting something rather normal,
as though nothing spectacular would come out of this man with a cap wore towards the back, in a huge jacket and old jeans..
But there's something in him which kept me wondering....
No one would ever guessed that this timid man would change our lives...
(At least mine...)
The 1st note he sung,
caught me immediately...
Goosebumps rises,
time seems to freeze as he delivers his song,
the emotions and intensity...
It was juz one word....'WOW'!
And I know I'll never forget this skinny farmer who WOWed everyone with a simple performance,
with key ingredients:his infectious voice and simple rhythms of a guitar.
One thing I regretted not doing is that I did not catch his name...
And there goes my intentions to use the search engine...
I thought I can never get to know more about him again...
Until... Today...
He appeared on one of the sidebars of the video I was watching...
Two words 'Emotional Performance',
and I know I've found him once again...
And again,
his voice charmed me over again...
His name is Kevin Skinner... I will remember this name for good！ haha...
You'll know what I mean by watching this. =)
Am totally WOW-ed by the number of talents we have in this world.
Juz by randomly clicking on random links got my goosebumps up.
Mezmerized by the mind lingering melodies,
coupled with voices which pulls your heartstrings...
Simply wonderful.
A couple of years ago,
was juz chilling in my living room,
watching anything that was on TV,
there was a man who left a really deep mark in my mind.
As AGT was airing,
I sat there watching auditions to auditions... until this man came...
I forgot what was his name,
but he looked and sound as normal and silly as one could be...
As he talked about himself during the introduction session,
no one knew what he'd got in him,
everyone (me included) was expecting something rather normal,
as though nothing spectacular would come out of this man with a cap wore towards the back, in a huge jacket and old jeans..
But there's something in him which kept me wondering....
No one would ever guessed that this timid man would change our lives...
(At least mine...)
The 1st note he sung,
caught me immediately...
Goosebumps rises,
time seems to freeze as he delivers his song,
the emotions and intensity...
It was juz one word....'WOW'!
And I know I'll never forget this skinny farmer who WOWed everyone with a simple performance,
with key ingredients:his infectious voice and simple rhythms of a guitar.
One thing I regretted not doing is that I did not catch his name...
And there goes my intentions to use the search engine...
I thought I can never get to know more about him again...
Until... Today...
He appeared on one of the sidebars of the video I was watching...
Two words 'Emotional Performance',
and I know I've found him once again...
And again,
his voice charmed me over again...
His name is Kevin Skinner... I will remember this name for good！ haha...
You'll know what I mean by watching this. =)
Another stunning performance of a guy from AGT too...
Found him by accident too...
Matt Cardle... Listen and you'll understand...
The Lord is so great,
Creating such wonderful talents so that they can influence the word slowly,
by using their best assets, the gift from God...
Thank you so much for providing so much wonderful music on earth...
THank you Father!
What an AWESOME night to do some thinking...=)
Life's like a rainbow,
we never know when a will rainbow appears until we see it...
Ciaos~ =)
Sunday, March 18, 2012
AWESOME
New post after a long time, entitled AWESOME!
Am above my head right now~~ Way up high…
Couldn’t believe how the Lord works in such wonderful ways…
Just wanna say, music is awesome,
And being able to perform with people who click so much with
ya,
When all of you sing, it just feels so right…
Yea, that simple magical moment…
Maybe He heard my call the want to do something impromptu,
A gig perhaps… or maybe just a stage,
There, chance appeared, we took it,
And transformed it into this tingly feeling I have now,
Keeping our melody in my head going round and round
Thank you so much gals!
It feels so AWESOME to be random sometimes!!!
Wanted to share some pics of the AWESOME moments...
But we hadn’t had much pics...
Which made me think, why do we sometimes,
Take tons of random pictures for no reason,
and when that IT moment comes which you dwell into it so
much,
I find that there aren’t much tangible evidence of that
awesome IT moment…
Yes, maybe we are all so sure that the moment we are experiencing
the precious IT,
It will be embedded into our minds forever.
Yes, that’s how I feel now and that’s how I see…
The certainty that all of us felt the same kind of
butterflies, caterpillars or whatsoever in our bodies…
Sure that we are all on the same page….
No matter if we did it well, or if we made a mistake...
Nothing matters....
Life’s beautiful…. Music rocks… And I’m contented.
Thank you for giving to the Lord… Del, Shuli….
Thank You for being so AWESOME my Lord!!!
Life’s AWESOME!!!
=)
“I won’t give up on us… Even if the skies get rough,
\I’m
giving you all my love, I’m still looking up…”
I Won’t Give Up-Jason Mraz
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Boo!
Happy new Year peeps!
The 1st post of 2012, cheers!!
Life had been great ever since I lead my new life,
Exams, holidays, outings, Christmas, New Year, more holidays...
It was a pretty great year as I started a new kind of living,
the education I wanted,
the institution I dreamt of,
the event I've always pictured myself doing,
places I never thought of traveling,
meeting people I will regret not knowing,
not to forget, achieving most of my dreams and goals,
getting everything I wanted,
going on the slow pace with all the people I will ever need.
Life's great! Close to perfect.
Year 2011 really did me well,
and I praise God for that! Thank you!!!!
Now 2012,
hadn't thought much of what to achieve
since I've done most of it...
Anyway, live goes on...
No matter what,
nothing should stop us from moving forward,
this is what I truly believe.
The 1st post of 2012, cheers!!
Life had been great ever since I lead my new life,
Exams, holidays, outings, Christmas, New Year, more holidays...
It was a pretty great year as I started a new kind of living,
the education I wanted,
the institution I dreamt of,
the event I've always pictured myself doing,
places I never thought of traveling,
meeting people I will regret not knowing,
not to forget, achieving most of my dreams and goals,
getting everything I wanted,
going on the slow pace with all the people I will ever need.
Life's great! Close to perfect.
Year 2011 really did me well,
and I praise God for that! Thank you!!!!
Now 2012,
hadn't thought much of what to achieve
since I've done most of it...
Anyway, live goes on...
No matter what,
nothing should stop us from moving forward,
this is what I truly believe.
Watched a few mind-changing movies these couple of weeks.
First comes is We Bought a Zoo.
Sometimes what we as human need,
is truly 20 seconds of embarrassing courage
to do the things you'd never pictured yourself doing.
Yea, like buying a zoo...
The simple concept that the absolute partner comes one in a lifetime and
mere courage changes practically everything made the show whole.
Matt Damon with his outstanding skill of handling his roles,
Real life animals who moves heartstrings,
the simple moral behind the whole story,
and the best part is,
the story happened in reality...
A five Star movie
Do watch it if you feel that there's nothing much to look forward to... =)
Another captivating story,
which really got my attention is an old movie,
Freedom Writers.
Yea, a Hilary Swank movie.
A story about racism,
and how integration began...
An issue that needs the attention of each and everyone of us,
even till this day...
The small little voice of everyone needs to be heard,
to make the world a better place.
Who says the power of an individual cannot change the world?
As long as we believe that we what we do will make a difference,
it will.
Was driven off by the persistence of Ms.
her vision of seeing a clean and fair system,
where everyone gets equal treatment.
Everyone has their own story to tell,
it's up to us to hear them out or turn a deaf ear...
For me, everyone tends to be a little racist in their own way,
maybe it's due to egocentrism, I'm not sure...
Do watch this show and see if it voice out to you
as loud as it did to me. =)
Am wishing everyone to have a colourful 2012,
everyone's important.
Remember,
we're all part of an important system.
p.s.: Drew and Chris, I'll always root for ya guys! Continue to change the world with your music!!! RAWR~~~
Bound To You-Drew
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Reborn
Am reborn for 1 week now.
It's been are really thrilling experience,
starting anew.
Though nothing much changed,
except the fact that I used up my second chance of living,
everything seems to go well.
I get to tell everyone how amazing it felt,
when I was immersed into the water,
or how blessed I am to finally accepted Him.
Always thought that there would be some form of drastic change
after I come out of the water,
but how wrong I am.
It's only the start of a new journey.
The path we are making,
in order to reach Him eventually..
There's still so many to learn,
so much to understand,
and heaps more the CHANGE...
I am only at the beginning,
making my way towards our final destination..
Really excited about what's bound to come.
Hopefully I will do well,
and also bring others to my realization
of how blessed we are...
There's no doubt that He loves us dearly,
so it's time for us to show Him ours...
Dear Lord, may I be more like you!
To help, care, forgive and love everyone around me,
just like what Your Son did.
Thank you for everything,
You're the BEST! =)
Last week had been a really blessed week. Everything good happened! Haha...
And I know its all because of You...
"I will be still, and know You're God..."
Still-Hillsong
It's been are really thrilling experience,
starting anew.
Though nothing much changed,
except the fact that I used up my second chance of living,
everything seems to go well.
I get to tell everyone how amazing it felt,
when I was immersed into the water,
or how blessed I am to finally accepted Him.
Always thought that there would be some form of drastic change
after I come out of the water,
but how wrong I am.
It's only the start of a new journey.
The path we are making,
in order to reach Him eventually..
There's still so many to learn,
so much to understand,
and heaps more the CHANGE...
I am only at the beginning,
making my way towards our final destination..
Really excited about what's bound to come.
Hopefully I will do well,
and also bring others to my realization
of how blessed we are...
There's no doubt that He loves us dearly,
so it's time for us to show Him ours...
Dear Lord, may I be more like you!
To help, care, forgive and love everyone around me,
just like what Your Son did.
Thank you for everything,
You're the BEST! =)
Can't believe I get to see them with my bare eyes!
STOMP were breath-taking!
Please do come back soon!
Let's play it to the beat~ ~
And I know its all because of You...
"I will be still, and know You're God..."
Still-Hillsong
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